All The Things

A lot of upheaval and resettling has been going on these last three-ish months. My mom died. In an odd way, that was the beginning of a big exhale rather than the beginning of a season of intense grief. I think the grieving had already begun years ago. I feel it most when things like Jessa Duggar's wedding aired and I knew Mom wanted to see it. Or something happens and I find myself wishing I could call and tell her. But overall, I'm doing far better than I expected and those last horrible weeks of her life haven't haunted me like I thought they would when I was living through it.

So the upheaval... several things. First I wanted to punt homeschooling. I'm burned out and tired of it, if I'm being honest. And I am. I attended the open house for an amazing classical Christian private school nearby. I was ready to sign on the dotted line but it costs lots of money and my children are behind from educational neglect due to these last many caregiving months with my mom. I also received very wise advice that I should not make a serious life-changing decision during the first year after a major loss. My mom was a major loss to me. She was a daily part of our lives and my best friend. Everyone prepares in some way to lose their parents, but the loss of my mother was more than just the loss of my mother. With that in mind, I decided to put private school on the back burner and try to find my homeschooling mojo again. I attended the big Teach Them Diligently homeschooling conference in Nashville and that kindled a little spark. I'm still trying to fan that into a flame. I'll let you know how it goes.

I am also toying with the idea of going back to school. I'm thinking about entering a masters program in nutritional science that has an emphasis on the role of nutrition in the prevention and treatment of cancer. That has been a passion of mine for some time and I'm ready to dig in and learn more about it. But I don't feel like I have my life back in order to the point I'm able to take on something extra. For now I'll toy with the idea and maybe later I'll do it.

My poor children. My poor house. My poor kitchen remodel. All has been neglected and my children have learned how to stay up to all hours and sleep until noon. They need to unlearn that. We have no measurable schedule. Working on that too. And a lot of issues have gone unaddressed like my just-turned-four-year-old still has a pacifier. Not that that's a huge deal but it's something that wouldn't have happened if I had been on top of my game. I've got some work to do.

Overall, besides the painful work of becoming more organized and disciplined, we are all doing remarkably well and the spring weather has gone a long way toward cheering me up. I'm finding my new normal. I think we're going to be OK.

But no promises.